Fat One in the Family
Ugly title, I know. But it’s not a pretty topic.
What do you do when you’re forced to watch someone you love throw away his or her health?
You know as well as I do that you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
If forcing them to take care of themselves is out, what can you do?
That’s a great question. And one I don’t have the answer to.
Interesting topics of health and diet always arise when my stepsister and I are in the same room. It’s a passion we share. I guess I’ve always been a little bit of a health nut, but my stepsister only took interest a few years ago. This contrast is somewhat evident in our conversations, but what makes the dynamic really intriguing is our completely different backgrounds leading up to our “adult” selves & associated behaviors.
See, my stepsister and I have only known each other a few years. We didn’t grow up together, and we’ve never lived together. We’ve only even spent the night in the same house on a few occasions.
While neither of us had parents particularly interested in health, the discrepancies between our backgrounds are astounding. For me, breakfast was usually a box of cereal with milk, and I was never surprised by a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. My mom usually cooked a simple dinner, and on occasion we’d get Chinese carry out. Not overwhelming healthy, but nothing shocking there. My stepsister on the other hand was given unlimited access to donuts, packaged cake snacks, cookies, and Doritos. Her dad’s a heck of a cook, but they ate countless meals out. Every memory is attached to a meal or a restaurant.
Why am I mentioning all of this? Well, her fairly recent interest in her health has brought to light many issues with what she was taught about food as a kid, and how your parents eating habits influence you unknowingly. Now that she’s taking the steps to get healthy, she has an even clearer view of how unhealthy her dad is.
My step dad is a bit of a controversy in our family- an extremely overweight diabetic with sleep apnea. A precise picture of how obesity can interfere with life. My mom tries to be active and healthy, but can’t share any of those things with her husband- it’s too hard for him to even walk around the neighborhood, and he’s exhausted after simply working in the yard.
We’ve all tried to nudge him in the right direction- to take care of himself. In fact, we’ve tried every method in the book. He refuses to listen. Normally I just ignore it and say we’re here to help him when he’s ready to change. But hearing my mom, and this weekend, my stepsister, say near tears that they’re tired of watching him kill himself, I’m racking my brain for any strategy we haven’t come up with yet.
I know we’re not the only family that’s been in this situation. While there are a lot of families that share characteristics of weight, there are probably just as many that don’t. People often don’t realize that obesity doesn’t only affect that one individual, it can affect a whole family. But how to help the odd man out without causing more damage, now that’s a million dollar question.
Have you ever been in or known someone who’s been in a similar situation? What would your advice be? Or would you stay quiet?
