Gender Issues

by tinysneakers

Remember that awesome ultrasound tech who was so thorough and practically gave us an anatomy lesson? She might have been a little too thorough.

See, the husband and I still have one unresolved issue on the matter of prenatal happenings. The issue? He wants to know the gender. I don’t.

baby gender

I keep pushing it off saying we’ll figure out a way to compromise, but I’m-not-so-secretly hoping he’ll just cave. It’s hard to compromise on something like knowing or not knowing. Although we’ve tossed out a few ideas like finding out really late or keeping it to ourselves, I’m still feeling like I don’t need to know. I feel comfortable not knowing; it’s exciting. There’s nothing I’d do differently if it was a boy or a girl. The husband’s argument of planning means nothing to me. There’s no way any nursery in my house is getting painted pink or purple, and every other color under the sun works for a boy or a girl.

boy or girl

Back to the oh-so-detailed ultrasound tech. She might have taught me a little too much- those former gray, white, and black blobs and spots now mean something to me. I certainly have my under-educated guess on gender. So maybe it doesn’t matter if we find out? But maybe I’m really, really wrong…

This’ll be interesting.


If you’ve had a baby, did you find out the gender? Did you and your partner agree easily?

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber September 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I am WAY too controlling not to find out! To me you already have to wait around 20 weeks to learn the gender so it’s always a surprise. It just depends on how long you want to wait to know the answer.

There are still so many things to know about your baby besides gender that I feel like you still have a lot of surprises to look forward to on that day. Hair or no hair? Your nose or your husband’s? Weight? Length? etc.

I’m on team husband for this one!

PS My bestie intuition says boy. 😉


brandi September 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

we’re not pregnant, but thankfully we’re both on the same side – NOT finding out! I think it’s one of the very few times in life to truly let yourself be surprised, and, as long as our (eventual) future babies are healthy, I don’t care if they’re boys or girls.


Heather B September 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I have done it both ways! With our first we didn’t find out. I instinctively knew he was a boy but there was the element of surprise that he could just be a girl and my intuition was all wrong! He was a boy and it was so great hearing the “It’s a Boy” when he was finally born!

With our daughter we found out at 20 weeks! While I wasn’t a huge fan of finding out, it was equally exciting to know there was a baby girl in my belly!! I thought her birth wouldn’t be the same as my son’s since I knew her gender, but I was way wrong. Knowing gender is one thing but the ultimate of not knowing what or who she looked like was the best surprise.

Now preggo with our third, we found out again. I just think that every person is different and has different reasons for finding out gender or not. Some for convenience others because they just can’t stand it. I say let your hubby find out and let you be in the dark! I had friends that did this and it worked beautifully! As long as hubby doesn’t slip and tell you!! However, don’t base anything on “what you think you see” on the ultrasound pictures! I had another friend that did this and decorated a whole boy nursery based on what she thought she saw and ended up having a girl!!!


Shanna, Like Banana September 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

I am well into my 2nd trimester and we found out at 18 weeks. It wasn’t even a question. And while I agree that you don’t paint the room black or pink, the bedding and design/decor will still have an overall boy or girl feel. And also the clothes.

But for me, I’m a planner and I wanted to prepare for all the unknown…even names!

We found out we are having a boy btw 😉


Theresa @ActiveEggplant September 7, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I’m in the “find out” camp! And just like your husband, I’ll use the “we need to plan” excuse. Admittedly, I’m just impatient and not good with waiting at ALL…so I’d go insane if I made myself wait through an entire pregnancy to find out whether it was a boy or girl in there.


Kristen @ The Concrete Runner September 7, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Before we got pregnant, we had always talked about not wanting to find out the sex of the baby. But, after getting pregnant, we knew we absolutely wanted to know! We were just too excited NOT to know. However, I still wanted it to be “special” when we found out. So, instead of the ultrasound tech just telling us in the room, we asked her to put it in an envelop for us so that we could have a nice night out together and find out just the 2 of us. I am SO glad we did it this way! I do like surprises, but this was just something I couldn’t imagine not knowing (and I had found really cute girl bedding that I loved and couldn’t find anything I really liked gender-neutral… ha!). There are so many surprises during pregnancy and we figured we will still be “surprised” when she decides to make her appearance in a few short weeks!


Cate September 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm

We were both really curious and found out at 20 weeks that we’re having a girl. It’s kind of funny, though, because except for a few clothes, almost everything we’ve bought (and the nursery decorations) are very neutral.


jamie September 7, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Babies in the womb have a sex not a is biological and gender is learned through society after birth. 🙂 I wouldn’t want to know either!!! Such a nice natural surprise..although it would make planning easy.


Jen September 7, 2011 at 10:12 pm

My husband and I were the opposite way of you guys: I wanted to know, he didn’t. I won because I’m the one who has to carry the baby for 9 months so I should get my way 😉 I totally say you use that argument so you can be surprised by baby’s sex on his or her birthday!


Alison September 7, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I am 23 weeks along and we are not finding out (here’s why:

In the beginning I kind of wanted to find out, but hubby didn’t so that sealed the deal. The only planning that it hinders is newborn clothes (I have already found some really adorable used gender-neutral onesies) and nursery decorating (I’m with you – no pink or anything). I feel like you should have both a boy name and a girl name picked out just to be safe anyway because I’ve heard so many stories of the ultrasounds being misleading. A good compromise if you plan on having more kids is to find out with one and not find out with another.


Lindsay September 7, 2011 at 11:11 pm

I think that you both have to be in agreement. Yes, you are carrying the baby, but your husband wants to be a part of this pregnancy too! I think you need to seriously discuss it and then once your come to a decision, do it!
My parents chose to not find out when they had my brother and I . With my brother they “thought” he was going to be a girl and they felt the opposite when my mom was pregnant with me. They have told me that they are glad they didnt find out, but I know that I could never do that! 🙂


Marci. September 8, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Not finding out! I never wanted to, and my husband did, but has given in to me. So much more fun, but people think we are nuts.


Joanie September 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm

We found out! 5 seconds after we read the positive pregnancy test, my husband asked when we could find out what it was. I am a planner and wanted the nursery done and the clothes stocked. I am so glad we found out because we could talk to Charlie and talk about who he would be and what we thought he would look like. Best of luck!


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