by tinysneakers

Over the course of the past few months, the husband and I have come to several compromises about our finding out the baby’s gender dilemma. We’ve also trashed each of those compromises.

First, I caved. I said we could find out. I realize that although I should fully reserve the right to make decisions since I’m the one that suffered through the morning sickness, I don’t really believe that. I know I have the power to make most of the decisions, and I want the husband to feel like he has a role and input too. So I thought I’d give him this one.

We all know I revoked that offer, and fairly quickly.

my way or the highway

Then we had our first trimester ultrasound. We learned so much and I’m so grateful for all the time the tech spent teaching us about what we were seeing, but it caused me to come to an uneducated decision about gender. I know it was too early to tell, but in my gut I decided I  knew. So if I already knew, I might as well find out, right?

But what if I was wrong?

wife is always right

It was that tiny “what if” hanging over my head that brings us to today: we still haven’t resolved the issue. Even if I think I know something, there’s still that wonderful mystery and suspense of me being wrong.

Deadline? Monday.

Some alternative compromises have been thrown on the table along the way:

– Have the tech write down the gender and lock it up somewhere. If we change our minds, we can just open an envelope and find out.

– Wait until 30 weeks to find out.

– Find out but don’t tell anyone. Then we can still have the exciting “It’s a ___!!” moment. The husband really wants to call someone and say “hadababyitsa__”. He’ll probably do this regardless. Winking smile

– Find out at Christmas. That’s about a month before my due date.

Husband finds out, I don’t. <—Not a chance! He’ll slip!


Our latest compromise?

We won’t ask for confirmation, but we also won’t turn away from the screen. If we decide we see something, so be it.

I was good with this one at first. I want to see every tiny inch of my baby and don’t want to miss one single second- it might be our last look for 5 months!

But ever so slowly, the nagging feeling that I just really don’t want to know comes back…


Any other ideas for compromises? {Not that you can ever truly compromise- you either know or you don’t.}

So. Let’s vote.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Elizabeth @TheBareMidriff September 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I voted “Find out!!”, but it’s for purely selfish reasons. =)


Ashley September 8, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Cute post 🙂 For me, I would want to know, and LOVE the idea of a “it’s a ???” party, where the sex is somehow revealed with food…whether it’s cake frosting or something else. You know I love food. 🙂


tinysneakers September 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Half of me thinks Chris wants to know just so we can have a cake-eating party. 😉


Amber September 8, 2011 at 6:16 pm

As the official Tiny Sneakers couple vacation photographer I had to vote Find out and tell no one, but me. 🙂


Shayla @ The Good Life September 8, 2011 at 7:41 pm

I voted for Find Out! But that’s only because if I were in your shoes I would want to know…and I would love to start calling him/her by it’s name, I think we would start to feel so much more connected to the baby while it’s baking away 🙂


Jen @ Eat With Knowledge September 8, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Hi Heather!! I voted don’t find out!!! I am probably the only one who voted that way but I love the fact that it could be a surprise 🙂 I can’t wait to find out what you guys decide!!!


Jen September 9, 2011 at 8:58 am

This is so hard! I say have the ultrasound tech write it down and place it in a sealed envelope. That way, if you do decide to find out, you can. Good luck!


Kristen @ The Concrete Runner September 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm

I don’t think I can vote because I think either way is great! (And I’m a big believer in personal choices and not letting someone else choose for you.) I personally know I would be nervous to not have confirmation after seeing every inch of the baby. Having those thoughts going through my head would tempt me a little too much to buy certain things for the baby. Of course, I knew even before I had confirmation from a pregnancy test that I was pregnant with a little girl, so sometimes intuition plays out! Either way, I am SO excited for you! And I LOVE surprises!


peacebeme September 10, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I would totally keep it a surprise, I think that would be so fun. At least for one kid. You are right, the mom should always have the final say! 😉 For my youngest sister, my mom wanted to know and my dad didnt, so she found out and never told him. To this day, she told me he has no idea that she ever knew. She acted surprised when the baby was born and fooled him. 🙂


Sabrina September 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

So I know you already had your ultrasound and it’s a moot point, but I’ll tell you my story about this anyway. My husband initially did not want to find out the gender. I was POSITIVE that the baby would be a girl. My friend who is a PhD in psychology told me that men bond to their unborn babies more if they know what the gender is because it is more concrete to think it’s a “son” or “daughter” then “baby.” We found out, and it is a BOY which stunned me, but the look of absolute joy and surprise on my husband’s face was completely worth it and we both are even more excited about the baby now we know who it’s going to be. Good luck with whatever you chose 🙂


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