I’ve been a little lost when it comes to finding my fitness grove lately. Most people write postpartum progress posts alongside their baby’s monthly updates. That’s something I haven’t done because for me, that wasn’t the focus. I’ve continued to take good care of myself and stay as active as possible, but the real focus is not myself, it’s my baby. I will never, ever get these moments back. The hard ones. The easy ones. The fun ones. The scary ones. The hilarious ones. I’ve spent the last almost 6 months watching this tiny helpless thing grow into a real live person. I’ve had enough to worry about without worrying about training, gym time, or scheduling workouts. I’ve done enough to keep healthy and happy, but 6 months out, I’m not only missing it, I’m craving it.

I just haven’t figured out how yet. Running with the babe is the obvious solution: no babysitter needed, no advanced scheduling required, no traveling, no constraints. But, I’m in no shape to do much more than a casual run. My knee, which I injured 2 years ago now, is still bothering me. I know if I want to be the runner I was, I have to completely baby my knee. Pun not intended. I need to be stronger before I can be a runner. That means time & dedication- haphazard lifting and strength training my give me a dose of endorphins, but it won’t do anything to build the muscle I need to be an athlete of any kind.

I’ve thought about working out at home on my own. I’ve thought about exercise dvd’s and online videos. I’ve thought about signing up for a bootcamp or personal training, just so I’d have someone holding me accountable. I’ve thought about signing up for a triathlon training program so I’d have a schedule to adhere to. But the training program was cancelled, pre-determined gym times make me worry about working around naptimes, and I frankly just forget to make working out at home a priority when there are a thousand other things I need to do during those few elusive nap times.

All of these things are valid reasons. They’re excuses, but they’re not excuses. They’re life. And I’ve been ok with that. I love using my auto-weight-increasing barbell for fun. I love our neighborhood walks. But as we round the corner to 6 months, I’m ready to ditch the excuses, the fears, the extra trouble, and find my groove again, whatever it may be.