Let me just start by saying I hardly ever use the word “y’all”. Ok, never actually. But today I’m going to. Ready?

Ohmygosh y’all, I have had a day. (Can’t you just hear Paula Deen saying that in her sweet Southern drawl and smacking her hand on the counter? No? Just me?)

I had quite the adventure today. Yeah…we’ll call it an “adventure”.

My day began early with a simple little task: return my oversized, legless desk.

Task #2: get a new desk from a different store.

Well, task one went just fine. (Except for not being able to return the desk legs because they were opened. Whatever. I’ll build a table or something.)

Then it went downhill. The GPS I borrowed from the husband couldn’t find the address of the second store. Or any of the roads leading up to it. I called and got directions, but before I got all of them, my phone died.

So I proceeded to try to find it anyways. I got utterly and hopelessly lost. Well, not quite hopelessly. Each time I was about to give up & go home and build a desk out of scrap 2x4s, I miraculously found a road that was on my list of directions.

Eventually, and I mean eventually, I found it. After waiting outside in the 100 degree heat waiting for them to pull the desk out of the warehouse, I saw it wasn’t going to fit in my car. (Which I never considered since it was half the size of the old desk….)

After a bit of sweet talking, I convinced warehouse boy to open up the box. Then I could confirm the legs would indeed attach to the desk top, and I could fit it in my car piece by piece. I am a genius.

At this point I had run out of my snack stash- a Luna Peanut Butter Cookie Bar & 2 packs of almonds, so I made an emergency pit stop at Wendy’s for fries & a soda (lunch of champions!).

All seemed well & good until the car in front of me had not one, but two tires blow. The highway was so busy I couldn’t move right or left to get out of the way of the swerving, quickly slowly car. I slammed on my brakes and flicked on my flashers, then hoped to high heavens the driver in the car behind me had quick reflexes & the desk in my back seat wouldn’t slide forward and behead me. He did, and it didn’t. Phew.

Then an 18 wheeler on the other side of the highway jackknifed. I can’t make this stuff up. Did you know those cables in the median are made to get caught up in the axle of a vehicle to stop it from crossing into oncoming traffic on the other side? I am forever grateful to whatever engineering genius figured that one out.

By this time I was more than a little jumpy with adrenaline, fear, and caffeine. A truck driver honked sporadically at me as truck drivers tend to do sometimes (goodness knows why) and I nearly peed my pants.

Even though I was 150,000% confident how to get home from that highway, I left the GPS on. It tried to take me home the wrong way.

With about 45 miles to go, my check engine light came on.

With 30 miles to go, my oil light came on. (I changed my oil last month, mind you.)

[This is when I’m understanding why people have Internet on their phones. And car chargers.]

Then there was a horrendous downpour.

The end.

Now I want nothing more than to unwind with a long bike ride & some desk-building.

Except, I suppose it will be desk-building and then bike ride, considering said torrential downpour.