Sigh of Relief

After 5 ½ months of crying, screaming, fussing, not sleeping, and most of all worrying, we’ve gotten a diagnosis for Kabes’ tummy troubles. Hopefully. I’ve learned in my short time as a mother of an infant to never count your chickens before they hatch. But I feel very, very strongly that this is the right answer.

For the first time in almost half a year, I feel an immense sense of relief. I understand where the expression “take a weight off your shoulders” comes from. I literally feel like my shoulders are lighter. On our drive home from our follow-up GI appointment I could’ve sworn the sky was bluer and the music selection on the radio was better. For the first time in months I felt like I had the {mental} energy to go for a run. {Of course it was smack dab in the middle of a 95 degree day, so that did not happen.}

A lot of emotions are running through my head. Guilt. Frustration. Anger. Guilt. Pride. Guilt. The diagnosis we received is something that I’ve thought was wrong in the back of my mind all along, but each step of the way I was knocked down- and believed it. Each time I brought up my concern to a doctor I was given a reason I was wrong. And frankly, they were pretty good reasons. But still, in the deepest of dark depths of my sleep deprived mind, I had this nagging feeling.

Let me tell you something. Time is not a requirement for mommy intuition or instinct. I doubted myself because I’ve only been caring for this tiny being for a few short months. But I’ll tell you here and now, if I’d stuck to my guns months ago, we might never have been in this sleep deprived, exasperating situation that we’ve been in.

That’s neither here nor there now though. I can’t go back and I did the best I could. Feeling guilty for not getting to the bottom of this sooner will accomplish nothing. Instead, I’m focusing on that one positive word in that list of emotions up there: pride.

Even with the constant battering, doubt, and denial, I stuck with my instinct. I finally said I’d had enough and I went with it. And then I proved it. And guess what? I was right. So yeah, I’m proud. If I hadn’t researched, hadn’t nagged, hadn’t fought, hadn’t not given up, we’d still be stuck. But from today on, we’re only moving forward. And I’ve learned one of many, many vital parenting lessons. Trust your gut. Always. No matter what.

Oh, the diagnosis? Allergic colitis.