I guess it’s about time.
Almost 6 months to the day since I wrote Part 2 of my stinky feet story.
Coming up on two years since it all started.
There’s a reason there hasn’t been a Part 3.
See, I always assumed Part 3 would be the one where I would tell you I had a diagnosis.
And seeing as I still don’t have a diagnosis, I don’t have much to tell you.
To be honest, I do everything possible not to think about it. I can’t write a post about it and not think about it, so I just never did.
But the number one most common inquiry I get is “How did you go from Part 2 to half marathons?”
I really don’t have a good answer, but I’ll try to fill in some gaps.
I left you at the part where I started taking medication for fibromyalgia, despite insistence from the doctor that that’s not what I had. It was a combination of a last ditch effort and quite likely a way for the doctor to get me to shut up.
The only sure thing was a had chronic pain. Fibromyalgia is a disease of chronic pain, so on the off chance the medication could help for generic chronic pain, we gave it a try.
And it worked.
It didn’t make it go away. It didn’t make everything better.
But it was enough to start getting back to my normal life. A new normal life anyways.
Running’s harder than it’s ever been. Every step hurts. It takes me 20 minutes to get my feet ready to go out the door. But they hold me up, and I run.
I haven’t worn these beauties in almost 2 years.
I should probably throw them out. Give them to somebody who can wear them. But whether it’s denial or just holding out hope, in my closet they stay.
Getting a “little bit” better has made all the difference in the world. I almost forget what it’s like to feel normal- I just know I feel better than I did last year this time. I guess I’ve just gotten used to it. That’s what people do- they adapt.
Running’s hard for different people in different ways. It may be hard for one person because they have bad hips. It might be hard for another person because they have small lungs. I don’t know. Everybody has their “thing”. This is mine.
I don’t think I’ll ever be thankful for this disease, but I do appreciate how it makes me see things. Everybody feels sympathy for a girl in a wheelchair, or a guy with no legs..but you never stop and think about what their life is really like- what they must go through every single day. I know no matter what I’m going through, somebody else has it worse. And there’s always somebody that has it worse that’s handling it better than you.
So on the days when I start on the landslide to feeling sorry for myself, I think of them. I think about where I am now compared to when I was at my worst. I think about all the things I can do, and I try not to think about the things I can’t, or the things I used to be able to do.
Next time you put on a pair a sneakers and go out for a run like it’s nothing, be grateful. Next time you slip on a pair of cute heels, be grateful. Next time you hammer a sentence out on the keyboard with ease, be grateful.
To me it’s not enough to think about those that have it worse (though I do)- I think about those that have it worse and triumph.
The lady at the ultramarathon that had to drop out of the race because it was so hot her prosthetic leg sweated off.
The teenager that surfs with one arm.
The triathlete that brings three legs with her to the race.
That’s who I’m thinking about.
Here’s my most recent update: The Outcome
{ 20 comments… read them below or chime in }
Great post! It’s so easy to get caught up and take for granted everything we do in life.
Amen. We get so caught up in our own little lives with our own petty problems that don’t even compare to what some people go through. I could only hope that I’m half as strong as some of those people should something ever really truly bad happen to me.
Ever since two weeks ago my knee has been hurting while running, but it hasn’t stopped me from trying. I know it’s stupid (especially with a race coming up). I think I need to find the strength just rest!
This is awesome. Sometimes there is no diagnosis and that’s okay. Instead moving forward is awesome!
I finally had to give up on the high heels and gave them to a women getting back to work organization. I hated losing them but seeing others put them to good use instead of collecting dust made me so happy.
This was a super post. I’m so sorry to hear you haven’t yet gotten a real diagnosis. I know how frustrating that is. I love how you are living your life despite the pain, though. That’s something I needed to hear.
While I may have found a diagnosis for mine I’m not getting my hopes too high yet. (I’m still crossing my fingers it’s Lyme–the tests are often falsely negative so my Lyme-literate doctor says there’s still a chance even if the test comes back as a no.) I hope you find a cure, too!
Tracey @ I’m Not Superhuman Just blogged…Dirty Laundry
This is a great post. Thank you for sharing and inspiring others (like me) with your strength. I saw this post on twitter and came to read about it because I’ve been having toe issues. After I read it, it really helped to put my whining into perspective. Thank you.
I adore you. I wish I could just hug the crap out of you right now.
You are STRONG and beautiful. You really have the best attitude about this, you’re definitely going to have your ups and downs.
And you better believe I’ll think of you the next time I’m in my sneaks.
Nichole Just blogged…Work Hard Play Hard
a-freaking-men! you are amazing and strong and FIERCE. go you
Karyn Just blogged…I Am The Proud Owner Of…
Oh my gosh, you are awesome. <3
This post brought tears to my eyes because I have been there. Even though we have totally different issues, I still remember the frustration, annoyance, guilt and pain of searching for answers for months and months and months. It really does make you feel like you’re crazy. And then you realize it could be worse – even though it sucks for you. It sucks harder for someone else. Thank you for sharing your story and for writing this post! You are one strong m-f-er
Erin @ Big Girl Feats Just blogged…Radioactive Wo-man
Thank YOU for sharing ! it’s amazing the doctor’s ! I have heard for years people to said I don’t trust the Doctor, I think few other people s going true same situation like you are right now and a post like this just make us aware therefore we have to trust our guts because like you said we fell the pain no one else and I personally thank you for your post bcz I m there right now and I m looking in the www is someone have a solution for that. Good Luck and if no one can let’s pray to the one the have the very last word God . FAITH Sees the invisible Believes the incredible and Receives the impossible. Philippians 4: 13.
Wow. Just wow.
You are just amazing!
We watched this program in one of my college lectures, I don’t know if you’ll find it interesting or not, but it has to do with chronic pain:
http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/2621515.htm
Best wishes!
What an amazing post. I’m saddened by all that you have dealt with and I wish you all the best and continued recovery. Thank you for the always needed perspective.
always a good reminder. it’s so easy to get caught up in our “first world problems” we forget that we often don’t *really* have anything to complain about.
i know how you feel about not having a diagnosis and/or a solution. i have a few immune-related issues that have been going on for 3+ years now that are still not any better! (in fact worse) it’s very frustrating… i’m in a mindset now where i’m essentially giving up on traditional medicine and looking into alternative medicine. i know that’s not an answer for everyone, but i’m hoping i’ll find something that will make a difference / give me comfort / make me “feel normal” again.
good luck in your continued search.
great post, it’s brought tears to my eyes. You are awesome and inspirational.
I am going on a year with an undiagnosed problem. Tons of money, different doctors, no answers. As time goes on, I develop more issues. Runs which were once a good challenge and almost impossible. Running was the only thing that got me through the first 8 months of being ill, because it wasn’t effecting my running. Now it effects everything. I’m still running, not as strong as I’d like, but i’m still running.
Hi Heather, I found your blog about a month ago looking up your fried oatmeal recipe (which was very good, by the way), and read these posts about you feet. I was recently reading the book “Dangerous Grains” by Dr.s James Braly and Ron Hoggan and thought of you. I wasn’t going to comment, and you probably already thought of this and tested it, but have you been tested for celiac disease or gluten sensitivity? Apparently many undiagnosed have quite a range of health issues that would seem unrelated to something usually thought of as a rare intestinal disease, but later find a gluten free diet eliminates most if not all of the problems. Again I bet you already checked, but I haven’t seen a mention of it in any of your posts (of course I haven’t gone through all yet) or the comments, so just in case I thought i’s suggest it. I sure hope something can help clear it up for you!
Hi Jessica- thanks so much for the suggestion! I don’t know whether I ever wrote about it or not, but I did get checked for a gluten sensitivity. I was actually hoping that was the problem since I knew how to fix it, but unfortunately (fortunately?) that wasn’t it. Thank you so much for thinking of me though!
I just found your blog from your guest post on Live Laugh Eat. The strength you’ve shown to keep running and going about your life in spite of your pain is amazing. Your story sounds similar to the stories of some of my friends with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I have it, too, but mine started and has progressed a bit differently. If it is CRPS there’s a good chance your pain would have responded to fibromyalgia meds, but there are also a lot of other options available. I’m sure you and your doctors might have considered this already, but just in case I thought I’d put it out there. So many people with CRPS and other pain disorders are misdiagnosed or diagnosed way too late.
Thank you so much! We looked at CRPS but it didn’t quite fit. Sorry you’ve had to deal with it- I hope you’re doing ok! Thank you so much for the suggestion though, I really appreciate it.
Your story is inspiring. It brought tears to my eyes. You are in so much pain, yet you still push on. Thank you for the reminder that things could be worse and to not take for granted what we do have.
I enjoyed reading your post and got a lot from it. I also developped a similar condition, though a bit different. There was a point the pain was so unbreable I couldn’t imagine going the rest of my life like that. I also have not found an exact diagnosis. A Naturalpath has managed to help me with some supplements that have not solved the problem, but have made the pain extremly bearable. As you said, that is very much okay and bearable is also my best friend. What has helped me immensely, was finally accepting where I am at, and not stressing out about it, which I think you are doing too from reading your posts. Also having a bigger purpose for my life, that doesn’t change according to whether I feel pain or not helps a lot too. We all feel pain in some way or another. Ours may be more physical than some, but everyone suffers. I think it’s how we deal with it that is very important.
Thanks for sharing and sending my love.